ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
