I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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