When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize