What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
