matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
