Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
