I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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