Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize