it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
