Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
how drunk are you?
Several
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
