he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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