my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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