I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
