I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
