Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
