her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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