I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's get the cat blown out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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