Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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