there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
