Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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