Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
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This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize