I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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