I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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