youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
