How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
