He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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