If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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