You just made me feel so damn special
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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