how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
