Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
