never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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