I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
