Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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