i just had sex bonerless
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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