Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
