last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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