We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
