In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
