Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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