so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
