he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
