Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
