Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
