Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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