Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
