as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
