cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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