look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
