4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
