Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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