Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
