Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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