she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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