I just made out with a guy for $7.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
