We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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