Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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