I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
