yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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