Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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