She is in my trunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
